A few handy phrases you may find useful in correspondence with politicians, government officials or annoying neighbours. Just highlite, copy and paste into emails etc.


Shakesperian style.........>> to Arabic style


Thou fobbing tickle-brained moldwarp
Thou droning motley-minded puttock
Thou gnarling fool-born ratsbane
Thou wayward paper-faced hedge-pig
Thou paunchy lily-livered malt-worm
Thou bootless onion-eyed jack-a-nape
Thou wanton empty-hearted miscreant
Thou greasy tardy-gaited harlot
Thou churlish rough-hewn boar-pig
Thou yeasty elf-skinned wagtail
Thou dissembling plume-plucked scut
Thou loggerheaded half-faced vassal
Thou vain earth-vexing pignut
Thou craven eye-offending strumpet
Thou knavish weak-hinged hempseed
Thou bawdy fly-bitten snipe
Thou prating boil-brained hugger-mugger
Thou dankish dread-bolted varlot
Thou craven lily-livered apple-john
Thou whoreson pale-hearted hedge-pig
Thou bawdy hedge-born miscreant
Thou surly pale-hearted dewberry
Thou saucy fat-kidneyed malt-worm
Thou yeasty dread-bolted rabbit-sucker
Thou lumpish white-livered jack-a-nape
Thou waggish bunched-backed manikin
Thou tottering bunched-backed maggot-pie
Thou fobbing milk-livered rabbit-sucker
Thou distempered evil-eyed jack-a-nape
Thou fitful rough-hewn bugbear
Thou mangled iron-witted malkin
Thou mangled ill-nurtured clack-dish
Thou goatish folly-fallen minimus
Thou ruttish folly-fallen rudesby
Thou froward idle-headed haggard
Thou roguish pinch-spotted harpy
Thou spleeny motley-minded miscreant
Thou distempered toad-spotted hedge-pig
Thou dankish lean-witted canker-blossom
Thou qualling guts-griping gull-catcher
Thou hideous iron-witted varlot
Thou dankish fly-bitten maggot-pie
Thou pernicious plume-plucked pignut
Thou clouted fat-kidneyed flax-wench
Thou knavish dismal-dreaming bladder
Thou goatish rug-headed fustilarian
Thou pribbling toad-spotted rudesby
Thou queasy paper-faced rudesby
Thou gorbellied horn-mad dewberry
Thou queasy pale-hearted flirt-gill
  Thou purpled weak-hinged nut-hook
Thou unmuzzled full-gorged maggot-pie
Thou goatish full-gorged scut
Thou roynish lean-witted harlot
Thou goatish rug-headed puttock
Thou vain idle-headed clotpole
Thou fawning onion-eyed wagtail
Thou venomed ill-breeding maggot-pie
Thou fawning onion-eyed scullion
Thou gorbellied pinch-spotted vassal
Thou greasy shard-borne strumpet
Thou pernicious dismal-dreaming wagtail
Thou loggerheaded paper-faced bum-bailey
Thou cockered beetle-headed jolthead
Thou qualling plume-plucked crutch
Thou spongy shard-borne baggage
Thou infectious folly-fallen rampallion
Thou spongy hasty-witted death-token
Thou lewd horn-mad apple-john
Thou warped fen-sucked canker-blossom
Thou gorbellied spur-galled minnow
Thou prating evil-eyed flap-dragon
Thou tottering paper-faced clotpole
Thou churlish bat-fowling flap-dragon
Thou artless plume-plucked cutpurse
Thou vain unchin-snouted haggard
Thou grizzled horn-mad apple-john
Thou ruttish paper-faced baggage
Thou fobbing rump-fed vassal
Thou peevish ill-breeding barnacle
Thou wayward weather-bitten minimus
Thou waggish beetle-headed harpy
Thou reeky lily-livered moldwarp
Thou distempered half-witted malt-worm
Thou warped dismal-dreaming miscreant
Thou beslubbering hasty-witted gull-catcher
Thou mewling shag-eared rudesby
Thou brazen plume-plucked lout
Thou roynish full-gorged moldwarp
Thou artless milk-livered scantling
Thou greasy fat-kidneyed codpiece
Thou qualling beef-witted hedge-pig
Thou beslubbering shard-borne flax-wench
Thou roguish eye-offending puttock
Thou villainous earth-vexing ruffian
Thou fitful shag-eared pignut
Thou pribbling empty-hearted giglet
Thou yeasty rude-growing flax-wench
Thou bootless earth-vexing boar-pig
Thou pribbling half-witted harpy

Arabic Style.........>> to Shakesperian style


May 65,535 Arabian stand-up comedians play Twister in your abdomen
May 9,000 riddled Third World Dictators find God near your record collection
May 24,000 slovenly gynaecologists build a fence between your teeth
May 9,000 apologetic stand-up comedians end their lives in your undies
May 2,500 slinky terrorists play with dolls amongst your intestines
May 6,000,000 crazed professional gamblers multiply in your kitchen
May 2,000 disdainful Traffic Wardens commit suicide in your VCR
May 6,000 ill tourists down five pints of Old Peculiar on your hands
May 4,000 moronic principals entertain their Aunts between your teeth
May 10,000 icky teachers create precedents in your tooth pulp
May 8,000 distended board members have a bad day in your supper
May an indeterminate number of pregnant astronauts eat spoiled meat in your VCR
May 2,000 alien journalists shed their skin up your nose
May 29 hallucinating psychics set off stink bombs on your sternum
May 24,000 blonde surgeons wretch in your jacket
May 5,000 selfish dwarves make babies in your car
May 5,000 cigar-smoking hobos get drafted in your nasal cavity
May 529,000 ignorant proctologists open a wildlife refuge in your unmentionables
May an impossible number of smelly druggists wait for Goddo beneath your mattress
May an impossible number of pathetic toddlers eat small woodland creatures in your hair
May 5,000 oblivious stock brokers light warning flares on your belly button
May 6,000,000 over-stuffed squabbling philosophers polish their weapons in your home
May 65,535 brain-dead economists mountain bike in your drawers
May an infinite number of ancient emergency medical technicians build computers in your ears
May 1,024 cretinous sailors place a "For Sale" sign on your nether regions
May an impossible number of nubile botanists light matchbooks in your bookbag
May a handful of acne ridden poets rehearse their play in your lung
May 9,000 sticky infomercial hosts drain their pustules in your cranium
May 65,535 maudlin animal rights protesters scratch themselves inside your rectum
May 256 insane US Generals play 1970s music in your ears
May 999,999,999 sleepy daredevils procreate in your anteroom
May 500 appalling jocks recreate famous battles in your blender
May 7,000 maudlin TV repair men visit dead relatives amongst your weaponry
May 50,000,000 inbred forest rangers go on sabbatical upon your left nipple
May an indeterminate number of unpleasant butchers visit dead relatives in your root canal
May an indeterminate number of aboriginal skinheads celebrate their birthdays in your kimono
May an indeterminate number of febrile rat-catchers marry their cousins down your throat
May 29 acne ridden political analysts build fallout shelters on your doorknob
May 50,000 rabid hermits down five pints of Old Peculiar in your thoracic cavity
May 1,000,000 enigmatic has-beens balance their chequebooks on your toothbrush
May 2,500 crazed druggists get run over by a bus upon your nipple
May 7,000 crazed famous actors make love around your house
May an impossible number of crazed historians go to school on your skin
May 4,000 frightened greasy bikers impale themselves in your large intestine
May 2,500 frothy builders fall in love upon your nipple
May 4,000 riddled bums prostitute themselves between your thighs
May 21,000,000 constipated philosophers sing songs inside your rectum
May an infinite number of subhuman fishermen strike oil in your pudding
May 6,000 dwarven researchers conjugate German on your spine
May 529,000 high prison guards write grant proposals in your glovebox
May 1,000,000 drooling bus drivers have plastic surgery over your knee
  May an indeterminate number of lying food service employees eat chips on your back
May an impossible number of evil short order cooks get naked in your liver
May 999,999,999 pimply McDonalds employees burn rubber dog turds in your genitals
May 1,000,000 odorous knights have indigestion in your bottom
May 1,024 icky belly dancers open their colostomy bags on your chin
May 24,000 boozy soldiers produce off-Broadway shows in your oven
May 6,000 loathsome playwrights write computer programs in your soapdish
May 42 drippy truckers use an 'Epilady' in your kimono
May 256 drunken shakers debate the meaning of life on your inner thigh
May 529,000 round postmen deflower virgins between your sheets
May 1,000,000 frothy hermits have a bondage session amongst your weaponry
May 10,000 foul athletes play dungeons and dragons over your breakfast
May 5,000 maudlin travelling salespeople clip their toenails on your genitals
May 1,024 oblivious cardiologists cough up blood between your thighs
May an indeterminate number of big children entertain their Aunts in your clean bed
May 29 tired gynaecologists light warning flares in your liver
May 4,000 hallucinating chefs flagellate themselves on your ribcage
May 50,000,000 cramped TV repair men fish in your nostrils
May 65,535 ill Elvis look-alikes come down with an upper respiratory infection in your sleeping bag
May 6,000 pale chief executive officers serve up a 9 course meal in your stomach
May an indeterminate number of Spanish Jehovah's witnesses build fallout shelters in your pool
May 1,000,000 disdainful clothing designers recite poetry in your adenoids
May an imaginary number of unimpressive athletes check for parasites in your nose
May 256 blithering cardiologists disassemble thermonuclear tactical explosives in your shampoo
May an impossible number of foreign lighting designers learn Latin down your throat
May 7,000 stupid camel salesmen scratch themselves over your knee
May 500 infected transsexuals join the ranks of the recently departed in your suit
May 65,535 crusty singers inflate used condoms in your backyard
May an infinite number of lazy gypsies forget to wipe upon your salad
May 42 enigmatic telephone sanitises worship film stars in your kimono
May 1,000,000 bed-ridden funeral directors run cables in your room
May 4,000 withered bank tellers perpetuate the species in your chest cavity
May 6,000,000 crazed gynaecologists arrange their nipple hair artistically in your beer
May 29 undisciplined chain gang members blow their noses in your face
May an imaginary number of asthmatic spokespersons floss their teeth with piano wire in your lung
May 8,000 blood-thirsty bit-part actors conduct medical experiments over your knee
May 256 catatonic pilots conduct medical experiments in your face
May 24,000 sadistic campers build fallout shelters in your brain
May 1,024 spotty soccer fans form a colony in your liver
May 529,000 ambitious egomaniacs combat international terrorism upon your left nipple
May an indeterminate number of convalescent amateur musicians slobber with your pets
May 24,000 hypochondriac fishermen shop in your pancreas
May an impossible number of perverted TV repair men prostitute themselves on your sheets
May 2,500 Italian mental patients wretch on your genitals
May an indeterminate number of nasty priests multiply in your small intestine
May 8,000 whiney philosophers practice the old Jedi mind trick in your stomach
May an infinite number of fascist corporate raiders shoot up on your backside
May 3,000 stout ninjas have a carnival on your hibachi
May a handful of blind sailors knuckle walk in your bloodstream